I Love You Warts and All
So many people go into marriage with their eyes wide shut. I actually wrote a blog about it because it sets relationships up for failure. We see all of the issues but our love, lust, drive, and desire often keep us from actually addressing these things before marriage. Things like the fact that he leaves his underwear in the middle of the floor or she doesn’t have the best care regimen for dishes or dusting. Maybe he clips his toenails and leaves the clippings on the floor or she does her hair and leaves the sink a mess. If you’ve been married for any amount of time, I’m sure you get the picture.
So now to how we love each other warts and all. We said I do to the package, not just the ultra clean Prince Charming or Princess Spotless. We said we would love no matter what: weight gain and loss, sickness and health, balling and broke. We agreed to all of this, then when it happens we want to bail. So a few ideas to make this easier:
- Whatever you can do, find a way to remind yourself why you are grateful for your spouse. A grateful journal is good. In this journal you can write a quick blurb each night about what your spouse did that made you smile, or made you feel special. You can even add why you love him/her the way you do.
- Grateful jar (box or bottle). This is similar to the journal but on note cards do the same thing. Drop your note card in each night with something positive.
- When you’re in a funk, as I have been for a while, pull out these memories and begin reading what makes your spouse great. Sometimes we just need a little reminder
2. Truth night. This one can be tricky and may end in an argument if not handled appropriately. If you know the two of you can be a little volatile, this one may have to be handled with an impartial third party present. Truth night is designed to talk about one pet peeve. The key word is ONE. Talk about one thing you’d like your spouse to work on and your spouse does the same about you. Then your job is to work on that issue over the course of the week, month, and/or year trying to break the habit. This discussion should be shrouded in greatness. A great date night, a really good meal or a happy time because if it ends in an argument, it’s just not worth it.
3. Pray Together
Pray for your marriage because the enemy will always see the two of you as a threat. Your bond signifies agreement as God said where two or three gathered in my name, I am there in the midst of them. Pray diligently. Develops a regular couples prayer time and stick to it. One pastor I know says he and his wife are not permitted to go to bed without praying with one another, and in over forty years this has sealed their relationship.
4. Finally I always add when all else fails seek a professional. I hate to sound like a broken record, but sometimes we have to get either another opinion, or a ref to simply call foul. Professional help is wisdom not weakness. It shows you are willing to do whatever it takes to save your relationship. And the key is to do it before your marriage is on its last legs.
“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.” Song of Solomon 8:3